According to Gary Chapman, there are five main “Love Languages.” (For those of us who can never remember them all, they are: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.)
I disagree with him. I think there is a sixth one: Learning and Adapting to the Other Person’s Love Language.
The point of Chapman’s book, at least as far as I can tell without reading it, (Fun fact about Ashleyne: I love information…in small doses. I read the headlines of the New York Times and scroll through BBC’s pictures of the day and then consider myself caught up on world events for the week. I’m less likely to finish reading a book that has a summary on the internet than I am to be struck my lightning. But I do spend a lot of time in open fields during thunderstorms, so that’s not saying much.) is that you should know your language and that of those around you in order to connect with them and love and receive love the most effectively.
But taking the test doesn’t mean you become good at the other languages. Chapman explains that each language can be learned – with practice. But I think that discerning another person’s love language and adapting to it is something that can come naturally.
And I think that some of us are better at adapting to other love languages than the general populace. And that consequently it becomes difficult for us few and gifted ones to remain connected to our own natural love languages.
For instance, do I like hugs because I like hugs or because my mother, best friend, and roommate all like hugs? Do I dislike having people do things for me because that doesn’t speak love to me or because people in my life don’t naturally show love by doing acts of service? And how does one know such things?
In case you’re curious, my top one was Quality Time. Regardless of my adapting abilities, I think that’s true. So come hang out with me. And I’ll learn your love language and adapt to it, so we’ll both be happy.