Ten Things

I was recently inspired to write an article for an online magazine’s “ten things” issue. They wanted lists of ten things, any ten things. My motivation lasted exactly as long as it took me to calculate the time between me and the submission deadline (5.8 seconds and 6.5 hours, respectively) and so I am now, a week later, getting around to writing my list. The week’s deliberation afforded me only a simple topic, no special creative genius, so please forgive the mundane nature of this list.

Ten Basic Things You Should Know About Ashleyne:

(In case you’re wondering about numerical designation: I’ll start with the obvious and work our way to the more obscure.)

  1. I’m an introvert. If you’ve read my previous posts you should know this, but there has been some confusion so I figured better safe than surrounded by screaming people at a rock concert. I like people a whole lot, but when they crowd together and act more like animals than humans, I start to try crawl out of my skin. I have other typical symptoms of introversion as well, but you get the idea. More on that another time, if anyone cares.
  2. I love vegetables. My nickname as a small child was “Ashleyne Green Bean.” Apparently someone missed the memo that nicknames are supposed to be shorter and easier to say than the original; regardless, it suits me to this day.
  3. I wear glasses but not contacts. I have issues in my right eye that make it lose focus when tired, so I wear glasses when I can’t see. I don’t have contacts. This confuses people. Sometime I’ll show you how I can make my right eye lose focus and swing out toward my ear, and then maybe you’ll see why contacts wouldn’t really help. I’d have great vision and see two of everything. On the plus side, my peripheral vision would certainly improve.
  4. I fall asleep with my head covered. I have to. It has to do with my eyes and protecting them. There’s probably some sort of psychological explanation (maybe I’ll bring that up in counseling next week if I run out of childhood memories) but the bottom line is that I have to have something over my whole head to sleep. This gets hot in summer but is quite helpful on these -40 degree days.
  5. I can’t nap. Well, technically I can. But I wake up feeling like I was shot with a tranquilizer gun, forced into a small box for several hours, and made to believe that the entire world is out to get me. Thus, for the greater good of all involved, I don’t nap. I think I’ve taken two since college and took two during college. Trust me. It’s better for everyone.
  6. I often struggle to finish books. I love reading. But if I lose interest I have the hardest time going back. So if I really want to read a book all the way through I will wait to start reading it until I have time to finish it in the space of a few days. Consequently I have whole shelves of books I really want to read but haven’t started, and other shelves of books I just didn’t make it through. I do feel like this makes me a bad intellectual, thanks for asking, but it’s still true.
  7. I love made-for-TV movies. The cheesier and more predictable the plot line and characters, the better. The day I discovered the “Hallmark and Religion” shelf in the DVD collection at my library, I actually did a little dance right there in front of the librarians. Thankfully, the electronics librarians are a little edgier and more liberal than your typical reference deskers, so nothing terrible happened.
  8. I share Dr. Seuss’ birthday. This is a matter of great pride and importance, and I often preface this tidbit with the qualification that, “This will explain everything.”
  9. I can only write with black pens. I shudder to think what would happen if I had to write in my journal in blue or (horror of horrors) purple. And why on earth do they even make green pens? They should make two packages a year. One for the Hulk and one for Baby Bop (although I’m not sure if she’s literate…?)
  10. I hate marshmallows. Give me brussels sprouts, wheat germ, or most anything else that a lot of people hate to eat, and I’m fine. But marshmallows (especially things made out of marshmallows, like Peeps. What even are those things?) I’d rather chew on the stick you roasted it on. Much rather. Yes, this means that I don’t particularly care for s’mores. Actually, I love s’mores. Just with no marshmallows.
  11. (Bonus) I love chocolate. It’s not obscure or unpredictable. I just wanted to end on an “I love” instead of “I hate.” Happy thoughts, people, happy thoughts. You’re welcome.

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