Food Problems

Two weeks ago I realized that I wasn’t eating enough.

This is definitely a first for me. I love food. All food. Especially bacon, Graeter’s ice cream, Boston Creme doughnuts, pickles, and Cool Ranch Doritos, none of which are exactly at the top of the list of “Miracle Belly-Fat Trimming Foods of 2016!”

Consequently, I’ve never had an issue keeping weight on.

And since I’m absolutely terrible at math, I’ve always dramatically avoided the concept of counting calories. (When I say terrible at math, understand that my nine-year-old nephew has a better chance of solving an algebra equation than I do. Actually, my three-year-old nephew probably does, too, who am I kidding?)

So the realization that I wasn’t getting in enough calories was a bit of a shock.

I was training for a half marathon, doing CrossFit, and eating a mostly Paleo diet (avoiding dairy, grains, and sugar.) And I was getting fatter.

Like…this kind of fatter:


At which point, one has to wonder, “What the bleepity-bleep am I doing wrong?!”

Enter’s calorie counter.

Oh. I’m approximately 700 calories a day under what I’m burning, and my body is confused because it thinks a severe famine has struck the land and it had better shore up its resources in case Joseph didn’t stockpile enough grain in Egypt to save us all.

Well, that’s new and different.

For two days, I tried eating 2,700 or so calories a day.

Oh my gosh, you guys.

Do you know how much food that is?

I once read an interview with Chris Hemsworth, the actor who plays Thor in the Marvel movies, where he said, “I basically have to eat my body weight in protein during filming to keep my muscle mass up.” I thought he was exaggerating, and even then I thought it was crazy.

Now I realize he wasn’t exaggerating.

As I mentioned, I only lasted two days; it was either something had to change or I had to marry into money, and fast. That much protein costs a heck of a lot of moolah. And, in case you missed the memo, missionaries aren’t exactly in the same tax bracket as Thor these days.

And so, I regret to announce that I have stopped training for a half marathon.

Unfortunately, I still feel like this:


But I’m hoping that will pass.


Have you ever counted calories? How did that go? Any advice?


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